Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
