what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
