Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
