No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
