I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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