Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
