I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
