I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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