im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
