Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
