I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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