I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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