i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
