you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
