i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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