mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
