she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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