hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
tell me about the fingering
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