Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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