My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
