Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
