You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
