I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
