just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
this hospital has no fireball
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
