Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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