is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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