please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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