1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no, he came in my armpit
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
