Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
