this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
