I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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