My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
