we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
