I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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