I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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