NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
