You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
