Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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