There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been