dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"