just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage