i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.