She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.