so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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