I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
