The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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