Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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