I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
