im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
