remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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