Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
