His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
