Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
