dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
