there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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