I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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