Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
