So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
