i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
