I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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