Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
