I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize