I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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