i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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