If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
