I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
