remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
