you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
