I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My vagina is officially offended.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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