My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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