Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
