dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
