You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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