Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
operation harelip BJ is a go
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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