exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
MIDGETS
????
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
