I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You need Xanax blowdarts
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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