Non-Jews are for practice
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
is wine microwaveable?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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