i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
