I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
